Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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