Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize