I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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