So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
