Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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