My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
