They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
