Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
