Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
