I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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