You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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