Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
