I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
