Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
