taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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