Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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