I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
