Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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