I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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