i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
