the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
