I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
