She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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