Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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