Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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