last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
