Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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