2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
