I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
