apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize