He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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