Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
50% drunk capacity currently
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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