I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
