its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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