he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
