Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
