no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize