If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
