This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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