cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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