yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
