Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
