Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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