Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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