It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
