Plan B is the new Plan A
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
