Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
