Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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