I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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