My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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