Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize