Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
