just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
