ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize