I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
