I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
