I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
