its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
