We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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