Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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