i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
