i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
