i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
wow bdsm is so cute
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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