He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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