our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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