Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
