my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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