well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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