We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
