my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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