You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
